In light of my recent weigh-in, I've been trying to cut back on how much I eat. I have bad habits — eating when I'm bored, eating when I'm sad, eating when I'm happy, eating because it tastes good... basically, eating anytime I'm not full, as opposed to when I'm hungry. (No wonder I weigh 170lbs.)

So I'm thinking baby steps, right? I'll cut back to eating three times a day, and if I get hungry in between, I can only have healthy snacks, like fruit, yogurt or a salad. I've never been on a diet of any kind, and I'm generally very bad at denying myself purely hedonistic pleasures (such as eating), so this is kind of a big thing for me. I've been doing it since Monday, and so far, I've been sticking to it. I've only snacked between meals once, and I had an apple. (I've also taken to brushing my teeth twice a day, complete with fluoride treatments but no flossing because my mouth is too crowded, but that's neither here nor there.)

When I decided all of this on Sunday, I thought to myself, 'Now, don't bother telling the family about it. That can only go badly.' I was right, of course (am I ever not?).

Yesterday, I asked my mom what was for dinner, and she waffled about it (no pun intended, truly). I prompted her by telling her that whatever was for dinner would be lunch for me, so I wanted to know if she was making anything. If not, I could make something myself. She suggested a meal, and implied that she might make it right then, at which point I asked if she couldn't wait an hour or so, because I didn't want to eat early.

(The late-night / wee hours are the most difficult for me, because there's no one being noisy and obnoxious in the kitchen to discourage me from cooking, and there's little else to do. Therefore, if I ate lunch early and got hungry later, I might be inclined to indulge. No willpower, I tell you. Some Scorpio rising I am.)

This led to my explaining my diet to her, because she wanted to know why (or more like 'since when') I didn't want to eat right then. When I explained it, she laughed at me. I tried to explain that I weighed too much, and I needed to stop eating when I was bored / not full / feeling hedonistic, and this, too, was apparently funny. Thanks for the support, Mom.

Today, Falon asked if I was hungry, probably because she wanted me to make something for us both, and I told her that I couldn't eat right then. (In retrospect, I should have just said 'no' and walked away. I'd be less moody now.) She asked why, and I successfully dodged the question once via distraction, only to have her ask again when the distraction was over. I answered her that time, saying that I was trying to cut back to eating only three times a day, instead of constantly.

She laughed as she walked away, in more of a 'yeah, right' way than the amused way my mother laughed. I almost wasn't sure what kind of sound it was (or was hoping I'd misinterpreted, maybe?), so I asked, "What?"

She said derisively over her shoulder, "Good luck with that."

It's so nice to be supported.

The thing that really gets me is that these are the same people who don't care that I'm a lesbian — my mother, who took my sexuality more seriously than my father, and Falon, who's slapped people in the face for talking trash about her 'dyke sister.' Is there some reason they can't take this seriously or support me? Jesus H. I'm not asking for gel bracelets or sponsors, here.

- Thanks for all the happy birthdays; I meant to go back and reply to each entry, but I'm tired. ;; Know that I saw them, though, and I appreciate it.

- Took my written driver's exam again today; I now have until Sept. 12 to take the road test. Cue Dad's being pushy and my trying to get comfortable.

- Parents saw an attorney; apparently, DHS had no legal standing to take Miranda in the first place, so if Tara and Miranda's father sign over their rights, she's ours. No foster care, no DHS involvement. In fact, he may not have to sign the papers, but he's been sent them, so either way, it'll only be a few days at most.

- There is the possibility of a young!Lassiter muse. *looses sheepdogs.* I do not need this. /)(\

- naptiem. ♥;

On Life

→ I actually weigh 170lbs, apparently. This is insane, as I am 5' 4". I don't look like I weigh 170, but this still should be rectified. With spring and summer coming up, I'll have a lot more to do in the yard and garage, so I should be able to work at least some of it off that way. A little dedication would probably help, too....

→ Semi-related: I may be able to get at least some exercise, because my parents did the intelligent, responsible thing with their income tax money and bought us a Wii. Now, I'm not complaining, exactly — yay, Wii, and I'm glad that my parents want to keep us happy / give us things / what-have-you. But really? I can name several places that money would be better spent: repairing the back porch, replacing the molding wall between the bathroom and dining room, replacing the broken bathtub in our bathroom, fixing the pool, repainting the bathroom, repainting my bedroom, renovating the garage, buying a new lawnmower.... You get the idea. I appreciate the gesture, but I wish they'd reprioritize. At least they've quit smoking weed for the duration of our court proceedings over Miranda. A blown drug test would basically guarantee that we'd never see her again.

→ Through the aforementioned court proceedings, we have now learned that Jason was charged for molesting his younger siblings back in 2000. This is another in a long, long list of reasons that Tara should never get Maci back while Jason is still in that house. My parents have also forbidden any of us (Falon, Miranda and I) from seeing or speaking to him ever again (some loss that is). For reasons beyond my ken, Tara continues to trust and believe him, and even had the stones to bring him to Falon's swim practice the other day. I have no words for this.

→ Speaking of child molesters, my grandmother's husband is still in the hospital and not getting better. He's being kept in Memphis, where I hear he can't even get out of bed. My grandmother, bless her heart, has been spending over 95% of her time at her niece's house in Memphis, so she can be near Jim. She comes home for a day or two every few weeks, and this routine is wearing her out so badly. She actually had to go to the hospital, herself, just the night before last, because her blood pressure skyrocketed. The doctor said it was stress. This is exactly why we all wish Jim would just kick it already. I'm not eager for my grandmother to be alone (again), but this is hurting her; holding onto Jim is hurting her. As disrespectful as it is, I don't like seeing her wasting all of her savings, the money that my grandfather worked so hard to earn for her so that she could have a good life, on Jim.

→ In better news, spring is coming! This means more yard work and a sudden temperature spike, but spring is also invigorating. ♥ It'll be nice to balance the time I've been spending in the garage with some time outside, too. I honestly won't mind working in the yard as much as I did last year, I think. I'm... even kind of looking forward to mowing the lawn (though I'm sure that won't last long, what with needing to do it every two weeks or so).


( On Muses (cut to spare the disinterested) )

Anyone on the f'list want some pounds? I have 15 - 30 to spare. Will also sell in kilos (that's roughly 7 - 14, right?). Free ground shipping within the US.

I have court tomorrow, and none of my nice shirts or vests will fit me. Actually, the shirts won't fit because my rack is too big, but I'm not selling those yet, so.... Yeah, I'll figure something out, I'm sure.

In semi-related news (that is, related to court, not related to my being a fat kid), when they dropped Miranda off at our house on Thursday, they did not bring any of her effects with her. It was mostly clothes, but also a couple of stuffed toys (one of which actually belonged to me) and her inhaler. (She uses a medicated inhaler daily to keep her lungs healthy, because she's very prone to bad respiratory infections.) What they told us was that they could have brought her back with her belongings, but they would have had to wait until Friday, and they thought we wanted her back ASAP, so they took option B, which was bringing her back Thursday and delivering her effects Friday.

It is now Tuesday, and we have yet to receive any of it, including her inhaler. She came home from school yesterday because she was coughing and running a fever, and stayed home again today in similar condition. Mom called DHS and the foster home yesterday to ask them about it, and they claimed they'd be by 'Tuesday afternoon.' Now, at a quarter past six, Mom and Dad have left to go get Miranda's things themselves. Mom's a bit unnecessarily pissed, and I'm wondering what we're going to do with Miranda when we go to court tomorrow — she's in no shape to come along, and she can't go to school, either.

Maybe I'll get lucky and they'll leave me home to look after her. I mean, anything to get away from the sickies; all the coughing and germs make me insane, but really. Anything to get out of waking up at 7am and sitting at the courthouse from 9am on.

Meanwhile, the musespace grows ever more crowded. More on that later, I think. ♥

Oh, also — new layout (and matching profile layout). :D tokyocentricity~

The dust has settled (mostly), but we're not out of the woods yet. Court is on Wednesday morning, to determine whether my parents get full custody of Miranda or not. I'm expected to be there as well, so here's to an all-nighter, I imagine.

She is home safe and sound, now, though, which is most important. Whatever happens from here, we'll take it as it comes. ♥

And while I'm here, a little offering to the Tenipuri fans: a preview from Yukimura's upcoming birthday album, Last Song, ripped and converted from Nicovideo. I'm so looking forward to this~

A timetable for yesterday:

0500: Went to bed.
0900: Woke up, did paperwork.
1200: Went to get documents notarized and turned in to DHS.
1300: Finished up with client's PC.
1400: Helped Grandma move Christmas tree and decorations.
1500: Cleaned out aunt's PC.
1600: Returned and set up client's PC.
1800: Came home and vacuumed, scrubbed and otherwise cleaned.
2000: Ate pizza.
2300: Finished cleaning and fell into bed.

DHS sent a worker out (ironically named Miranda) to do a home interview this morning at 11am, hence all the cleaning. We now officially have provisionary foster care of Miranda (the child, not the social worker). She was dropped off here at home not half an hour ago. If we want actual custody of her, we have two choices.

Become her foster family. Thirty hours of training for my parents, learning how to meet the DHS requirements for foster care (locking up medicine, chemicals, etc.; enclosing the pool, and many, many more), and looking over our shoulders constantly to make sure DHS doesn't catch us breaking the rules.

Gain legal custody of her. Since she's technically not in Tara's custody anymore, we would have to get the state to award us custody. This is what we're hoping to do. I have a cousin in Memphis who works for a law firm that employs one of the state's biggest public defenders. The idea is that he can talk the judge into awarding us custody.

The second option is obviously preferred. We've taken care of Miranda nearly all her life without any problems so far, and it wasn't due to our negligence that she was put into foster care, but a legal technicality. Hopefully, the judge will agree.

Thanks so much to everyone who's been thinking of us, and keep doing whatever it is you're doing, 'cos I think it might be working. ♥

My parents have filed for provisional foster care, so that we can bring Miranda home before we ever go to court. Hopefully, she'll be home this weekend — we'll have people coming by for a home inspection sometime this week, and we're going in to sign some papers this afternoon.

I probably won't be around much tonight, and only here and there this week. Things will be busy. ♥ Wish us luck~

So, on Sunday, my sister's eleven-month-old daughter was taken from her home by child services, because my sister's live-in fuck-up boyfriend tested positive for meth. Tara's trying to get her back, and I hope she does, but I hope it's at the expense of said boyfriend. He's a loser, and he's not doing Tara or Maci any good.

In the meantime, nobody told Miranda, Tara's other daughter, who lives with us. Tara didn't want her to know, because she planned on getting Maci back, so she didn't want to upset Miranda unnecessarily.

Child services called today to tell my mother that because Miranda is Tara's child (by a different father than Jason, who is Maci's father) and my parents don't have legal custody of her, she also has to go into foster care.

Mom's a total wreck, but we should have Miranda back in short order. There's nothing stopping us from getting legal custody, so it's only a matter of time. Miranda cried, of course, but she seemed a little better by the time she left half an hour ago. I'm sure that won't really hold — she'll cry tonight, and probably every night until she comes back. I just hope she'll be okay.

I complain about her a lot, and we all give her a hard time — she's difficult to get along with, to be honest — but she's family, in the end.

Keep your fingers crossed, or pray, or whatever it is you guys do, that she'll be okay. ♥ Please.

eta: There's a court date set for next week, and we have to get the house ready for a home inspection. I guess this is going to take a little longer than expected, but it's still only a matter of time.

So, last night, the power went out around 1am. It came back twice (very briefly) between then and 4am, when it decided to make a proper showing. That was still three hours in 25F weather, but I'm glad the power's on now. However, the weather's not over, so if I do spontaneously disappear for several hours / days, that's probably what's happened.

( Pictures of the outside world. )

Now, I am going back to bed. ♥ See you all this afternoon, I hope.

Ew
Random bout of nausea. It doesn't help that Falon was sick last night and Miranda's been sick all week so far. Ugh, I get so strung-out during flu season.

It's mostly gone now, but it woke me from a sound sleep. I have ginger ale, but I want to wait for my stomach to settle some more before I try to go back to sleep, so I'm dicking around on LJ. I know Rachel will probably read this later and say that I could have called her, but I won't be up much longer, and there's no point in both of us losing sleep when we went to bed two hours ago, so. ♥

Currently Watching
( Because this list has to be updated periodically. )

Curiouser
( Don't take this too seriously... )

The Real World
I appear to have a car. It needs a little work done, but between my dad's help and the help of a client (who's getting free services from me in return), that should be taken care of. It's a dorky little '87 VW Quantum, and in pretty damn good shape for a 21-year-old car. Kind of cute, actually. ♥ It's growing on me, the way a mentally challenged puppy grows on you. Anyway, it was a gift from my uncle, so I can't complain.

In the event that I can't get in at UACCB this upcoming semester (which is a possibility, yes), I'll probably wind up getting a job... Hastings will be first choice, if they're hiring. It's almost the only place around here I'd like to work at. If all else fails, though, there's always Wal-Mart! :D :D :D :D :D... :|

Yeaaaaaah.

In other news, my sister seems to think she's getting a cat. This infuriates me beyond belief, since the entire basis for my dad's argument against my keeping Shoe was that he and Mom would end up taking care of her, and he cited my sister's irresponsibility with her mutant guinea pig hamster as an example. Nevermind that one of the apparent conditions is that Falon has to keep her room clean — even if she does, it's Miranda's room, too, and she A) never keeps it clean, and B) shouldn't be asked to do so just so that Falon gets her way. Basically, this is just another classic example of Falon being utterly and completely spoiled.

/whiny bitch.

I'm making myself feel better by buying things. ♥ The World Ends With You for USD$25, free shipping. Yum. ♥


The Legal World
Speaking of DS games, I finished Apollo Justice last night. ( spoilers after the jump. )


The Writing World
Trying to get back into some kind of a regular writing habit. penombrelilas linked to prompt_in_a_box in a recent entry, so I went to check it out. Pretty neat, actually. I think I'll be participating for December. ♥


The RP World
Does anyone know if those two new Tenipuri RPs suck... ? There was the one set in a highschool AU with the cast as teachers, and another set very vaguely at a university, iirc. I'm skeptical, so I'm wondering if anyone knows the mods/potential players.

COMPASS exam today. ♥ Wish me luck~ (as if I need it, haha) /arrogant

Happy Wednesday, f'list. :D

This situation grows increasingly frustrating. ( cut for more whining. )

Turkey!
Happy Thanksgiving to the Americans, and Happy Thursday to the rest of you lot. ♥ Mine was uneventful; we stayed home this year because Mom's side of the family has a surgery going on (cousin's baby has some birth defect, idr) and my grandmother's husband on Dad's side is dying.* My older sister brought her baby over, but I basically avoided them, since the baby doesn't like me and I don't like my sister. Luckily, Tara's boyfriend was not invited, or things would have been a hell of a lot more eventful, as it were, and not in the good way.

*Before anyone apologises or sends their condolences, I am nothing more than apathetic and sympathetic about this turn of events — as some of you may know, I hate the man. I only feel badly for my grandmother.

Waja Madness... ?
Wajas is anticipated to be down until Monday, which is sort of a shame. I was looking forward to the new site launch, but like I expected, the flood of traffic broke the servers when it opened last night. The coders are from an American company, so they're on vacation until Monday, and the users are in conniptions. I laugh.

Original Fiction
It's been years since I've written anything not based on an existing fandom. In fact, the last original piece I remember writing was a 40K+ word story called Synchronize With Me — at the time, a masterpiece; presently, an embarrassment. No, you can't see it. There are very, very few people who might get that privilege. >>;

Lately, though, there's been a darling little thing in my head that doesn't seem to belong anywhere. His name is Daniel Schultz, but you can call him 'Danny.' Grew up in Brooklyn, NY; lives in Queens. His old man's a fireman, so Danny tries to stay out of any real trouble, but he's a Brooklyn kid, and he runs with a rough crowd. Mostly, though, he's just a punk.

He comes with a whole crew, setting and some backstory, too... there's A Girl, The Rival (his best friend!), The Villain... who knows where this'll go?

Lawyers
Kink Meme's still eating my brain, and so are the muses. Bratworth seems to want a Feenie, preferably of the ~*~feminine persuasion~*~ — how do all my Edgeworths wind up so... not gay? (I won't say they're straight, because not one among the two-and-two-halves* of them is, but none of them are totally gay, either.)

*There's Bratworth, post-GS4!Edgeworth (+glasses), GS3!Edgelet (not properly formed) and girl!Edgelet (also not properly formed). The latter is the closest to straight, but she, like her male counterparts, has an odd affinity for Lana Skye and a ~*~burning rivalry~*~ with Mia Fey. ... Idk.

Twilight (Yes, You Heard Me.)
I have the .pdf files for all four books. ... I'm still debating, but I figure, hey — if I don't like the books, they'll be good for the lulz, and at least I'll know what everyone's talking about, right? Now if I could just find the time....

This musical makes me feel happy inside. ♥

( But this is still on my mind, so... cut for a ride on the waaaaaahmbulance. ;; )

Hi, guys. ♥

So, I called UACCB's financial aid office to ask some questions — I registered for the winter term, but missed the actual application deadline due to life and laziness, so I wanted to know if I had to re-apply for the spring term — and I got their voicemail. The message I left was as good as a free boarding pass for the failboat.

"Hi, this is Cassandra le Reille; I had a few questions and I was hoping you could clear some things up for me. If you could, call me back at... ... ...wow... I... forgot my phone number. ... [phone number]. Sorry, I'm... not used to giving out my home number.* Anyway, thanks; have a nice day."

*Imagine a slow, dazed voice. I was still wondering how the fuck I forgot my phone number.

I started laughing after I hung up. Hopefully, whoever gets that voicemail will at least find some entertainment in my making an ass of myself. edit: She just called back, laughing. I seem to have made her day. XD; Also, I do not have to reapply; I just have to send in the documents that I failed to send in for the winter term.

NTS: Open winter SPRING! registration is January 7; late registration is January 13. COMPASS exam is December 3 at 2pm, main campus building 217.

Anyway...

Hermiting has consisted largely of Wajas, the Phoenix Wright Kink Meme, dramas/TV shows and the Sims. Hopefully, not-hermiting will consist of the same, in smaller quantities and interspersed with human contact.

( Currently watching list, for anyone interested. )

I have some catching up to do on the crime-drama front (and, of course, One Piece...), but I'm mostly current. ♥

Also, I found a neat little tool. :D Dr. Wicked's Write or Die. I'm going to use it later. NaNoers and other writers should look into it; it's really cool.

And because I don't think I've shown you guys my kitty: this is Shoe. ♥

Just when I thought life was done dicking me, too.

( cut, 'cos I hate to be a downer. )

In other news, I watched the first episode of the Ouran dub. ( cut for length )

Anyway, I'm still alive.

Yep, I'm still alive. My life kind of, er... blew up, but hey, I'm alright. Not too keen on mapping out the fine details, but my parents both contracted staph infections (MRSA), which left me totally wired and in charge of the kids for about a week. I also had to cancel a long-distance visit that I'd been planning for months, but that definitely wasn't the worst of it. I've been hermiting since then, more or less. I'm around more now, back on AIM (tokyocentricity, for anyone who somehow doesn't have it) and Gchat.

hyouteiexchange is due in under three weeks, and while that's plenty of time to write 1.5K, I'd like to leave myself a little room. I also don't want to wind up cutting corners and writing only as much as necessary, because I like both the assignment and the person who requested it, but... I'm stumbling between self-doubt and tentative assurance. I have a little over six hundred words, and I feel like it's some of the best writing I've done in a while, in terms of style and quality. On the other hand, I keep stopping to second-guess myself — is this going in circles? is my style degenerating? am I cutting corners? is it veering from the path I intended? if so, where is it going? ... So, yeah, I don't know. I need to stop signing up for fic exchanges, is what. Too much pressure for a poor fish like me.

tl;dr: STILL ALIVE, STILL FAILING. ♥ Hi, guys.